Wednesday, July 30, 2008


so i am on the train today, in a quasi bad mood because i have an in-grown toenail that is bothering me but i can't seem to make it right and i have an appointment with michelle on SUNDAY which is forever away and the fact that i know that is there keeps me up at night because i can FEEL it. i didn't get much sleep last night.

anyway, so quasi bad mood, running late, etc etc. i get on the train and make my way down to the door i need and grab a pole. now, there have been a fair share of tourists on the train lately. maybe it is because i leave a little after the rush hour crowd, or more and more families are coming to look at colleges, or simply because it is summer in a great summer city, i don't know. what i do know is that they scare me. i am scared i will become one of them one day. fanny pack, 7 kids between three adults, sour preteens, wiggly toddlers, excited 8 year olds. they count stops on the train, worried they are going to miss theirs, they unfold maps and try to place where they want to go and where they are now, they scold their kids, yell across train cars and whine when there are no seats open. i was watching as one of the adults got a call, listened for a bit and handed it off to the "dad" of the group. it seems they had the opportunity for red sox tickets that night. the women were urging him to go; "it's something we always talked about," one of the women said. either two tickets for him and the sourpuss or 6 tickets for him and the 5 kids. "don't worry about us, it's a chance of a lifetime" the other women kept repeating. "a chance of a lifetime. a chance of a life time. it's a chance of a lifetime." her accents was new jersey via lawrence.

high wasted jean shorts, visors, clutched maps. maybe they were going to see a game against the angels that night. maybe get stuffed lobster toys at fanuiel and fried dough in the park. maybe take pictures with ben frankin and walk the freedom trail. maybe canolis from mike's and a whale watch. maybe they saved up for this trip for months, taking precious days off from work and organizing for days. maybe this is exactly what they wanted.

this used to be us. four moms, four dads, 8 kids on the LIRR, alert and ready to embark, deciphering subway maps and timetables. rockerfeller plaza for the rockettes, TKTS for a show, the last train home, moms nodding off, dads holding up the sleeping children. looking back, we must have stood out to those everyday commuters. immigrant families who brought oranges and indian chexmix on the subway. different languages being bandied about. obsessive stop checking and panic with a garbled announcement blasted through the train speakers.

if this was me, then why the disdain? why do i think i am above all this? will that be me with the diaper bag, the extra pullups and the four types of snacks walking around disneyworld? maybe. does it scare the crap out of me. definitely.


Anonymous Jackson said...

Indians get their own Chex Mix?


4:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know that will be Jay and me (and our brood) in just a few short years. I can't wait. No Disney though, that's where I draw the line.


10:17 PM  
Blogger Deepa said...

haha - and when the brood REALLY wants to go to disneyland?

i think i am dreading this phase of my life because i will have no life. everything you do is done for the kids - money, vacations, evenings, weekends. no more nights out, no more day long beach trips alone, no more privacy. it's not that my life will be over, it's that my life as i know it will be over.

i should start a "get me a nanny" fund. problem solved!

10:07 AM  
Blogger Kiwi said...

Aww! This is so eloquently written, love this post! Paints such a picture in your head... and I so know what you mean.

I'm sometimes scared of reaching that phase of my life too (and I'm in my early 20's and nowhere near that stage of my life either!) but it is strange to think of.

I like to think that by that point, you'll be happy with your choices no matter what they are. And you don't have to let things be any way unless you want them to be. I know I sound really vague but I hope you know what I mean. I guess we'll just have to wait and see how the future pans out. So for now, although I don't believe in ONLY Carpe Diem, it is important to live mostly in the 'now', often anyway, and make the most of it. :)

1:42 AM  
Blogger Deepa said...

thanks kiwi - i totally know what you mean:) i know i am moving towards that - just not quite there mentally yet...

1:43 PM  

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