Thursday, July 22, 2010

way past due

Everytime I wrote the date out yesterday, I smiled. July 21, July 21, July 21. My due date last year. This time last year, I was poking my belly and begging the monkey to come out. Now, a year later, I can't even believe this huge monster was ever a little tadpole growing inside me. It seems weird some how. A year ago, I worried about him so much. If he was ok, if he healthy, if he was going to come out healthy, if I was going to die and leave Josh alone with a baby, etc. etc. etc.

Now I worry about a whole new set of things. How are we going to transition to milk next week? How am I going to replace all those formula nutrients when Rohan won't touch any meat of any kind (he IS a big bean person, though, so that's a relief)? I worry about his napping schedule (a three hour nap in the morning, means no afternoon nap, which means an early bedtime, which means an early wake up (early like 4:30, people), which means a three hour nap in the morning...). And slowly, but surely, I am starting to worry about preschool... ugh.

Recently, I read an article in NY Magazine about how children don't make people any happier, and that people without children are happier than people with children. While I can certainly relate to the ideas that the article put forth and completley understand that raising a pre-teen or teenager can be excuxiatingly painful, I don't think I could be any happier than I am right now. Sure there are days when I am too tired to stand up and I was stressing myself out a bit recently with the work work/house work/baby work balance, but setting a few rules for myself helped mellow me out.

1 - I keep the computer closed and the TV off when Rohan is around. Unless I am cooking, he gets my full attention. This really has made the few hours I spend with him each day so fulfilling, even if I am just watching him play by himself. I realized that I have time to clean and check email and make phone calls and watch TV after he has gone to bed. Spending this quiet time with Chingu every evening is just so calming. I decompress and put everything else out of my mind when we have our time together, and I can really see his personality coming through.

2 - I am trying not to stress the milestones. Rohan is not walking or using any kind of real words yet, just cruising (really well, actually) and lots and lots of babbling. I used to be so hung up on what he is doing and what the book says he should be doing and what everyone else's kids are doing. Now, it is what it is. He will walk when he is ready, he will talk when he is ready. He took his time to crawl and now he is a lightening bolt; the same will happen with walking and talking in due time.
If he ends up being late to the game on a few things, fine, but I really hope he potty trains early. I am so over diapers.

3 - I stopped keeping a mental list of what I do and what Josh does. The imbalances would build up and then I would pick a fight, which is never good. Josh's job is more demanding and draining that mine (most of the time). Before, I didn't think it was fair that I was planning all the meals and doing most of the cooking, and doing all the finances, and washing and folding all the laundry, and constantly picking up the house. Now, if something needs to be done, I just do it and ask for help when I need it. I can't assume Josh will read my mind and do what needs to be done; he is just too wiped out to put two thoughts together at the end of the day, let alone walking into the kitchen and magically know that the high chair area needs to be WetJetted.
I am also working on not expecting Josh to do things exactly how I would do them, but that's taking a little more time...

The next year will bring a whole new worry-list and I am sure these rules will adapt as our family's needs change, but for now, I am taking things as they come, enjoying the time I have with my boys, and trying to remember to water my plants.

(This picture was taken by Katherine Jane Photography Check out her Facebook page for more shots from our shoot!)

1 Comments:

Blogger Pooja said...

Hey Deeps...how are you doing? i read your email a few days/weeks ago. actually, vamshi and I were in India and just returned yesterday. Unfortunately, won't be able to be in NY for Diwali time.

i liked this post deeps...it's the nice positive things that one wants to hear when they are planning to plan for a family...these days so many people i talk to give me the more tiring details that kinds of scares me about having kids. it was so nice to read this and hear the positive...(and i know there are things that tire moms out...but when you are thinking of planning for one...that's not exactly what you want to hear!)

pluss...i loved your rule #3...i think all of us need to do that regardless of if we have kids or not! i felt like you just took my thoughts out from my head! :)

p.s...what kind of camera do you guys have? you always have such wonderful pics...i'm planning on getting a digital slr...

1:50 AM  

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