Wednesday, October 19, 2005

relapse

and i had thought i was fine. sigh.

tuesday was a repeat of monday, author meetings and booth. boring. but then the girls (me, the marketing manager and the marketing assistant) went to dinner at the same place we ate on Sunday.

I was starving. I had eating an early, light lunch and by the time we got there, all of us were ravenous. so i got french fries instead of a salad, and they tasted fantastic. and it was fine. and i was happy.

but then i got home and the guilt settled in. josh picked up on my mood change on the phone and i got defensive. we ended the conversation and i broke out into sobs and couldn't stop. B imed me and I got up to see what she said and saw my reflection and started crying all over again. she talked me down, i drank water. i called josh, we talked some more. i drank more water.

i just want this to stop. eating fries is not bad. wanting to throw them up is.

10/18: yogurt, some gourmet veggie pizza, half a turkey burger, fries, some cobbler, half a beer / too tired to run. again.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Sara said...

it's really good you're aware that what you're thinking is wrong, that's a huge step and it's a really good thing. and i'm so proud of you for being honest, it will only help. making it stop will be hard, have you thought of going to see someone for it?

if you need to talk babe, i'm always here. you're a strong person, i know you can fix this, and you have so many people here to help you do it. mwah.

3:05 PM  
Anonymous Sara said...

it's really good you're aware that what you're thinking is wrong, that's a huge step and it's a really good thing. and i'm so proud of you for being honest, it will only help. making it stop will be hard, have you thought of going to see someone for it?

if you need to talk babe, i'm always here. you're a strong person, i know you can fix this, and you have so many people here to help you do it. mwah.

3:05 PM  

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