Thursday, September 21, 2006

gills, dreams, cake

Prof. Gill was behind me in line at Dunkin Donuts today. I recognized him immeidiatly. That greying beard, the twinkle in his smile, the rosy cheeks. By far the most popular professor at Tufts, known to even the engineers for his engaging lectures, jokes, fairness and the ability to remember everyone who has ever had one of his history class. Ever. Alas, I was not one of the lucky ones, but did do a stint in the History Deptartment office while on loan from the Classics Department office. That year, he said hello to me by name whenever he saw me and I felt flattered every time.

But I was too shy to say hello, afraid that he won't remember me and that he would have to fake it. That I would be just another face among thousands. I regret not turning around, though. The minute I went through the turnstiles, it was too late. I even entertained thoughts of emailing him a belated hello.

A coworker sent me an article on a Latin symposium from the Boston Globe and I recognized my old advior's name in the article. She had left Tufts a few years after we graduated and went to UMass for a tenure tract. I emailed her immidiatly, saying that I read about her project on Nantucket and am glad she is getting a more hands on experience at UMass. She emailed me back with instant recognition (well, I WAS the only one who got a 100 on the final, thank you very much).

Maybe it is easier to put yourself out there when you know you won't have to deal with the reaction. No faces to read, no smiles to fake. I don't like that I hid and hid behind email. That is something about myself that I will change.


This morning I had the oddest dream. I went to visit Sara as a surprise. She didnt know I was coming. I had to walk up a very steep hill to get there and when I did, everyone was already there. Allie peered at my from behind a door - oh Deepa is here too! she said with delight. Merry was there, and Becca. Eden. It seemed like all our friends were there for the weekend.
Cut to us all sleeping in a room with bunk beds and sleeping bags. I say that I am very hurt that this was all planned and no one told me about it. That I came as a surprise only and was not invited. I was angry. Merry said she honestly didn't care for my being there and some people nodded their heads. Becca said that she loved me dearly, but thought that my bringing it up was not tactful and I should have not said anything.
Cut to the next morning. I am sleeping still and everyone is getting up to make room for a little boy. He was in a car accident.
Cut to all of us on a deck with the other people who lived in the house. Everyone is is dressed yet I am still in my PJs. Paparazzi are taking pictures of the boys family. I feel underdressed and want to shower.
Then I wake up.

Had people over for dinner last night and it went very well! Good conversation, lots of laughs. I was very proud of the menu: proscuitto wrapped melon, fresh bruschetta, homemade mushroom and parmesean and ricotta and spincah ravioli and molten chocolate cake. the dishes need a few tweaks here and there, so that is something to to work on. it also reminded me of how much I love entertaining. we need a dining room table before it can get more complicated, however.


Blogger H said...

ha, that part about becca saying you're not tactful... hilarious!

10:43 PM  
Blogger si gracieuse said...

1. I like the fact that even in your dreams I appear sensible.

2. I want to come over for dinner pick meeeee!

3. There's nothing wrong with hiding behind e-mail. Most people wouldn't even do THAT.

4. 100 on the final? NERD!

Love you so much!

10:46 PM  
Blogger si gracieuse said...


10:48 PM  
Blogger Deepa said...

wow this is the last time i share dreams. i was pouring my heart out and becca told me that no one wanted to hear it and that's a good thing? harsh!

9:37 AM  
Anonymous Sara said...

dude, i was totally siked when you said you came to visit me as a surprise! i'm sorry you were upset in your dream though, you should know we would never do that.

and i was even more siked that you came despite jeb! wooot! so, so, when do you wanna come?!?! :o)

10:12 AM  
Blogger Deepa said...

well, you didnt really live where you live now. it was like a community house, like this hostel we staying in in rome. i can't come! jeb bush will kill me. i like the idea of meeting up in vegas.

11:11 AM  

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