Tuesday, June 10, 2008

alone

A co-worker of my mom's committed suicide last week. After a week of meetings and dinners, when he didn't show up to work on Friday, they sent security to his house. When security didn't get an answer, they called the police. 

This man was all alone. Going through a rough divorce, no kids, no parents, no friends. He was depressed; he talked to my mom about how alone he felt and how much pain he was in because of it. The police couldn't even find a phone number for a family member or friend. They had to call his lawyer. 

If you have talked about "The History of Love" with me at all, you know how I feel about being alone. A life with no one to talk to, to kiss or hug, to fight with, to cook for, to comfort when they are down. The few months that I lived alone, even though I saw my parents at least twice a month and talked to Josh every night, were brutal. Some people thrive on their own. Not me. I need human contact. 

 It saddens me when I think about how he must have spent this his time. To feel so lost and alone. I am afraid that ending this post will indicate that I won't think about him again, and I am having a hard time doing so. I hope he found peace; I'd like to think that's what he was after.   

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm really sorry to hear about your mom's colleague. May he rest in peace.

There's a difference between being alone and being lonely, though. I essentially lived alone for the past six months til Jessie got here. I love it. A few years ago the idea would have terrified me, but honestly I find it very peaceful. The book sounds interesting, I hadn't heard of it before.


AV

9:55 AM  
Anonymous Courtney said...

I'm sorry, Deepa. That's really sad. Try not to think about it too too much, and I'm sure that there's someone out there that misses him and loves him so he wasn't so completely alone.

10:14 AM  
Blogger Kiwi said...

That is so sad.

I agree that there's a difference between being alone or being lonely. I'm perfectly happy being alone a lot of the time... in fact, if I don't have enough alone time during a week I go a little crazy. But being lonely, that's a different story.

I guess it's not the physical act of being alone, but the idea of feeling alone - because when you feel alone, you can feel like there's nobody to love or nobody loves you and that's what's the most sad thing, I think. It sounds cheesy but missing out on love is one of the saddest things in life, whether love-love, family-love, friendship-love etc.

When I'm alone I don't feel lonely because of the people I know I have in my life who are not more than a phone call (or if I'm lucky, a short walk away). I miss my family so much being separated from them always but to feel alone like your mum's co-worker must have is something else entirely, it's so sad. I hope he found peace too.

10:17 AM  
Blogger Deepa said...

i see what you mean. i do need space, but i think for me, being alone for an extended period of time makes me lonely.

my mom used to be so worried about how i would cope if i didn't find a husband (seriously). for some, its peaceful, but for me, i get antsy and usually flip through my phone so i can call someone.

11:04 AM  

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