cattle prod

so lately i have not been able to get out of bed. a lot. to be at work at 8:30, i need to leave the house around 7:50, which means an out of bed time of at least 7:15, which is doable and reasonable and sad that i cannot do it, since my husband is out the door at 6:30 every morning.

but in my morning stupor, i convince myself that getting to work at 9 is ok, if i take a 30 minute lunch. and then getting to work at 9:30 is ok, if i just eat at my desk or stay a little later. a tearful resolution to get up and go to the gym in the morning after trying on a too tight bathing suit is forgotten completely when the alarm goes off. today, i got out of bed at 8:05.

what started after i started drivng myself to school has slowly become a trademark. staying in bed until the last possible second, counting the minutes and doing the mental math (if i stay in bed 7 more minutes, i won't wash my hair, etc) i don't even sleep! waiting for the alarm to go off every 9 minutes 5 times in a row is not doing anything for me! when josh left at 5:30 this morning, he mentioed that this would be the perfect opportunity to go to the gym before work, since i have the car, but no. no gym. but i told myself i will sleep a bit more and wake up at 6;30 and do some chores. i was WIDE AWAKE and had no excuses. none. except my bed was warm. 90 minutes later, i jump out of bed, shocked that it is so late, but not surprised. what did watching the clock go from 8:01 to 8:05 really do for me?

gah.